CHANNEL 13: 2013

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Cool Gear Insulated Skull Cups

Over the years, insulated cups have become a necessity for the simple fact they can handle hot and cold beverages and keep their temperatures running for some time from the moment they leave the container they originate from. Metalheads these days need such a cup when leaving their homes to go to their jobs and need the extra kick from the cup of joe. The container handling this job of keeping the beverage warm will do the job, but when dealing with Metalheads we always need that one thing that says we're Metal (aside the plethora of shirts, bumper stickers on the ass end of our car, and patches on our vest), and today's post has the edge for Metalheads to have their cup of joe while maintaining the calling card that makes us Metal.

Introducing Cool Gear's Insulated Skull Cups.

Totally Ghoul Tabletop Creatures Reaper

The Grim Reaper. If there was a being who has Metalocity running in its genetics minus the intention of being Metal, he is it. The fact that with one simple touch, your life ends. Aside the special power, it helps the guy has a skull for a head and a scythe to help him in his crusade of brining people over from the living to the dead side.

Halloween gives this being the opportunity to shine as his character is the perfect costume to have on those years the holiday crept up on people who forgot to buy a costume.

Today we look at a homage/decoration to the guardian of the dead world by way of the living world, the Totally Ghoul Tabletop Creatures Reaper.

Skull Poppin' Popper

Trinkets. Halloween is no stranger to it, and aside the touristy parts of a major city with its plethora of stores selling merchandise related to its destination in a sense of tackiness that has not been seen since a early 90's flick.

With Halloweens trinkets, Metalheads have trinkets to work/play with since most trinkets are focused for those outside of the culture. Today we look at what is quite possibly the most "trinkiest" article ever to grace the halls of Channel 13 (and Metal Trinkets). The Skull Poppin' Popper.

This is about as simple as it gets as far as what it is and does, and while the glitz and glam of some of the previous posts is not present, what it lacks in the stage lights of a Maiden show can more than make up for it in its simplicity. Plus it makes a killer office toy without the whole HR offices going royal navy on your ass.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

New Episode of Heavy Metal Maniacs

Heavy Metal Maniacs hits the road and the adventure begins.

Check it out here \m/

Monday, October 21, 2013

Lantern Skull Water Globe

"The Blackest Night falls from the skies. The darkness grows as all light dies. We crave your hearts and your demise. By my black hand, the dead shall rise!". With this quote, you have the beginning of a very Metal tale that DC managed to pull off. While the lantern utilized is representative of who the Black Lantern Corps are, today's subject post would be perfect should they ever turn the aforementioned storyline into a kiddie version.

The Lantern Skull Water Globe. A simple Halloween decoration with details that are very Metal.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Essential Home Reaper Kitchen Cloth Set

Kitchen decorations. Until recently, it seems Metalheads were only left to sew a bunch of patches on aprons, oven mits, and chef hats. These days, all we have to do is wait patiently for the Halloween season to show up, go to one of the "big box" stores (today's parcels were located in Kmart), walk the seasonal section, and before you know it, instant decorations for a Metlaheads place of cooking.

Today we add some armaments to a place that burns, maims, cuts, shreds, mince, things that were once alive (without having to go to jail, unless you mean it).

Introducing Essential Home Reaper Kitchen Cloth Set.

Oktoberfest Triple Threat - Godfather's Pizza, Beck's and Spoetzl Shiner

October. A month that was meant for Metalheads. From the beginning of the death of bright and sunny summer, to the holiday we do best, to a kickass videogame that was launched this month (and even the day was perfect for the occasion), . While the aforementioned is all the credentials October has for being a Metal month, there is one holiday that pushes its credentials over-the-top, and it's Oktoberfest.

This is the month the southern part of Germany (as well as many other parts of the world willing to participate) celebrates its most infamous holiday, and being the most Metal country in the world, it makes perfect sense for Metalheads to celebrate this month with the same kind of passion (its called drinking plenty of beers, something we are good at).

Today's post focuses on 3 tributes this month and holiday can only offer, The Oktoberfest Triple Threat, courtesy of Godfather's Pizza, Beck's and Spoetzl Brewery.

This started during one fateful visit to my local Hess Express (a local gas station with a convenience store and some fast food restaurants within its confines. One of the restaurants is the aforementioned Godfather's Pizza, and its unique offering to the world, its Oktoberfest Pizza. The sign below is the beginning of an "Avengers" like epic saga.

Yttrium Cuisinier: Patrik Kött Hammar Infamous Jägurt

First, and one of my many necessaries forewords, I owe Patrick an apology for taking too long in posting this recipe as the experiments that were conducted were long and arduous. Sorry buddy.

Back in April 2013, I went to the 2013 Edition of the PPM Fest, and as always the case, met a lot of kickass people. One of them, Patrik Kött Hammar, from one of the most Metal countries Sweden, introduced me to a simple but incredibly easy recipe, and it is today's chapter of the Yttrium Cuisinier, the Jägurt.

INGREDIENTS:
Vanilla Yogurt (6 oz tub).
Jägermeister (chilled).

HARDWARE:
Measuring spoon or cup (pictured below is a Jägermeister shot glass with measuring marker).
Spoon.

RECIPE:
I6Z6A6N NOTE: Depending how long it takes to chill your bottle of Jägermeister will determine the lead time needed to make this recipe. Recommend allowing the beverage at least 10 hours in the freezer. Also, please make certain to have all the aforementioned items listed in the "INGREDIENTS" and "HARDWARE" section before proceeding.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Reels of Steel: MAЛЪK-ГOЛЯM (LITTLE-BIG)

It's been some time since the last (and very first) Reels of Steel, and while this is due to the many movies related to Metal out there for me to go view and filter, today one such movie has broken through the obstacle course of Metalocity.

Unlike the first Reels of Steel, this one is going to provide just a tidbit of details as the story deserves a level of mystery I feel is too special to spoil for first time viewers.

Reels of Steel is proud to review MAЛЪK-ГOЛЯM (LITTLE-BIG).

Coup de Grisou Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Montréal Take Over, Day 5

From the Brasseurs R.J. is Coup de Grisou Beer. Don't let the name and label art fool you, it's Metal credentials are as follows; the translation of the name means Firedamp, a flammable gas found in coal mines, and with mines being as dark as they are, and old school lamps coming in to light the way, you got an explosion that can make the stages of a Metal bands pyro theatrics (Metal credentials "check and mate".). It is a Belgian-style Ale, which means it is a guaranteed bet to be a winner. Reminds a great deal about my first Belgian (style) beer, Blue Moon, but instead of orange I got a mix-mash of fruits, and being like Blue Moon, it was cloudy.

Griffon Blonde Ale (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Montréal Take Over, Day 5

Griffon Blonde Ale. From the McAuslan Brewing Company, a beverage worthy of the place serving its golden nectar. In all the days I have been in Montreal, I finally found a new (Maudite doesn't count as I have tried it before, hence the keyword "new".) beverage that is Metal-worthy. Its texture was slightly rough with a taste that is like drinking caramel coated apples (not apple-flavored, but a light fruit flavor.). Having a griffin for its mascot is like a Metal band having the same beast decorate its webpage.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Historical Day in Channel 13

Good day Everybody,

Today is a historical day for Channel 13 as we have broken old barriers and pushed the boundary of limitation to new heights that will eventually be demolished.

We have finally reviewed a beer from as very cold place (surprisingly, not from Scandinavia) called Canada. Congratulations Unibroue for spearheading the Canadian booze assault \m/

For the first time in Channel 13's history, we have finally interviewed the first male in our chronicled tall tales of getting to know people, and he is Emanuel, the creator of EMP's Heavy Metal Maniacs \m/

And for the classic 1-2 combo that will leave a Street Fighter in his/her face, we are syndicating Heavy Metal Maniacs, a cartoon that has a lethal concentration of Metal in a package considered small.

And for those who wish to read this blog in their native language, we now have a translator (located on the left with the rest of the junk) for your reading ease.

Dialogues of the Steel Jaws of Death: Emanuel of EMP's Heavy Metal Maniacs

Cartoons. Before were just limited to whatever "seemed/felt" Metal (and if any of you say Inhumanoids was not Metal, you got a D'Composed sized problem coming your way. Honorable mention also goes out to Heavy Metal the Movie, the ultimate "being Metal with no intention" work of animation.). In recent years cartoons have been catering to our societies "funny bone", thanks in part to all those kids who grew up in the 80's having the opportunity to create cartoons based on Metal and not having the limitations of the previous decade impede our societies growth.

While there are many cartoon about Hard Rock/Heavy Metal, today we focus our attention on a brand new carton that carries the Banner of the Iron-Laced Stencil and with the hell-infused ink animating \m/ HEAVINESS \m/.

Dialogues of the Steel Jaws of Death presents Emanuel, the Architect of EMP's Heavy Metal Maniacs.

Unibroue Maudite Amber-Red Ale

In honor of my upcoming trip to Montréal, I have located a beer that is representative of its Province, Quebec (it is originally from Chambly, talk about being a rep by proxy). While I am sure there are plenty of other beers in Canada that can hold the fort of \m/ heaviness \m/, this one has the distinguished honor of being the first beer to grace the halls of Channel 13 from its respected country.

Introducing Unibroue Maudite Amber-Red Ale.

Channel 13 Video Syndication: EMP's Heavy Metal Maniacs

CREDIT: EMANUEL

TRAILER

FOLGE 1 (EPISODE 1)

FOLGE 2 (EPISODE 2)

FOLGE 3 (EPISODE 3)

FOLGE 4 (EPISODE 4)

FOLGE 5 (EPISODE 5)

FOLGE 6 (EPISODE 6)

FOLGE 7 (EPISODE 7)

FOLGE 8 (EPISODE 8)

FOLGE 9 (EPISODE 9)

FOLGE 10 (EPISODE 10)

FOLGE 11 (EPISODE 11)

FOLGE 12 (EPISODE 12)

FOLGE 13 (EPISODE 13)

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Dialogues of the Steel Jaws of Death: Tanza of Speed Clothes

Fashion. A word Metalheads know without realizing. Confused? It's pretty simple. When we dress ourselves, we aren't taking the advice from the writers of GQ/Vogue/Cosmopolitan magazine is listing. Instead, and depending which Subgenre of Metal we listen/adhere to/feeling at the moment of selection in our closet/drawers/bed/floor/wherever-our-clothing-is-placed/etc, once we put our gear of war on, instant fashion statement. Think about it, from the Thrashers with the White Hi-Top sneakers, semi tight jeans with vague-Thrash-Band-from-the-80's-that-only-released-one-demo shirt, to the Black Metallers who's only colors are predominantly black (primarily on the shirt, minorly on the face) and white (minorly on the shirt, primarily on the face) with spikes that can give one of the stages from Mortal Kombat the texture of green on its face, we can literally whip out a fashion statement faster than a supermodel from the aforementioned busting a heel and making the headlines of TMZ.

While our sense of fashion will always make the impact that only our music can rival and triumph (our fashion sense was born out of the music, you know, mother brings kid into the world, mother has right to exit kid out of the world. Hmmmm, this would make good Metal lyrics, but bad advice upon execution, especially from me), and today we look at an individual who has taken our fashion to Volume "666" and dealt a deeper impact in the fabrics of statements.

Dialogues of the Steel Jaws of Death presents Tanza of Speed Clothes and the band Demona.

Crystal Head Vodka & Shooter

As promised from some time ago, I have finally managed to get around this beast of a beverage. As crazy as it sounds, waiting this long to finally post about this vodka had a unintentionally but very good side effect. More on this later.

Vodka, as said twice already before in the halls of Channel 13, is a beverage that has left a HEAVY mark in the world of Heavy Metal. Today we look at a Vodka that while never targeted the Legions of Iron Metalocity, its final result will captivate our attention for years to come (provided it doesn't go out of business). From Canada, I introduce you to Crystal Head Vodka.

Nemesis Iron Cross Studded Watch

Father time. A known and unknown being. What makes it known is that we know we only have a limited amount of "time" before something happens. Usually this is a deadline for a work/school project, or when it's time to go to a Metal show, or when its time to put down the bottle and doze off on the bar counter. As for the unknown, well, this involves a number temporal mechanics, a car that reached its peak in a fitting decade, and Christopher Lloyd playing his best known film character.

While Metalheads are able to understand time in multiple capacities, today we are focusing on the standard understanding of past, present and future, and it helps if we had a tool to keep track of this beast from the physical quantities of System of Units.

Introducing Nemesis Iron Cross Studded Watch.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Channel 13 & Metal Trek Hiatus Update

Greetings from the slumber of the Iron-Coated Spiked Bed of Hibernation.

Just to let everyone know the "extended" hiatus has not gone unnoticed. A bit of an explanation is in order:

- I have been looking for my next motorcycle and shopping for a bike in my neck of the woods is a HUGE pain in the ass.
- I have been planning for my next trip, Montréal, Quebec, Canada, for the Wings of Metal Metal Market event and to check the local Metal/Touristy Attractions (and to point out the obvious, this trip will be eatured on Metal Trek).
- I have been on a much needed "down time" as doing the blogging/working/school/traveling juggling act drained me and I needed some time to "eat shit" and do nothing.

What's next for Channel 13 are the goods I have accumulated while gone from blogging can finally be unleashed with the (un)necessary arguments about why they are Metal.

As for Metal Trek, The aforementioned trip to Montréal is definitely getting covered and my next Euro Trip for 2014 will end a series of travels to a major fest.

Again, thanks for the patience and understanding \m/

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Channel 13 and Metal Trek going in Hiatus

Good day Plebeians of the digital information highway.

With the 2013 Belgian Invasion series of posts finished, it is time for me to take a leave of absence from blogging. I need this time to reorganize certain parts of my life as I have been on a huge escalation of being busy on the outside of the internet, and that means internet time will be reduced to nothing more than research, communicating with friends and eating shit just for pure enjoyment.

I can't say when I will return as this time I need to have a wide open girth to be able to address the other aspects of my life outside of blogging, but I will return, and when I do, I intend to come back with full force.

For now, please enjoy the blogs past postings.

Many \m/ HEAVY \m/ thanks.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Tarnished Iron: Kokon Tozai Spring Summer 2013 Clothing Line

Fashion. Something Metalheads exceed in without trying. Our sense of fashion is renowned for being easily identifiable to anybody. When you consider what consists of our wardrobe, it is basically 1 pair of jeans, a battle vest with a toilet bowl full of patches and plenty of black t-shirts (size XL). While its easy to see how we all look alike, the differences lie in the details of what is emblazoned on the shirt and the vest.

While the ranks of Metalheads are aware of the credibility that comes with wearing such wardrobe, every once in a while there is the encounter with an outsider who wears a Metal shirt due to the fashionable nature of such wardrobe (especially from the big box retailers a la Wal-Mart, Target and Kmart). While this can be quickly resolved with the word "poser" being shouted at such individual, today's posts involves a reputable individual from the enemy camp.

Tarnished Iron presents Kokon Tozai Spring Summer 2013 Clothing Line. I know this flew over your head, but if you look at your Facebook/Twitter/Random Metal website and-or blog on-or around May 17, 2013, the following picture was emblazoned on your smartphone/tablet/laptop/desktop and you either A) got a chuckle or B) got enraged (depending on the band shirt you are wearing at that moment).

Photo Courtesy of Random Metal website and-or blog

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Quintine Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, PPM Fest Day 1

Quintine Beer, another Metal Beer discovered during the invasion. A Belgian Strong Pale Ale standing at 8%. Its taste can best be described as a dirty fruit, and very good. Its credentials? For those of us fortunate enough to mate with best half of the sexes, don't you think for one minute they are witches? Think about it, your girlfriend/wife has the capacity to get you to do things you normally wouldn't do, and have managed to cast a spell over you. Than there was the whole Salem Witch Trials debacle which has become a point of interest for Metalheads when visiting Massachusetts, a double whammy for this beers Metalocity (thanks ladies) \m/

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Spurious Harmonics: The Conspiracy Frequeny

In a recent announcement, Geoff Tates Queensrÿche‎ (aka the Crytal Pepsi of Queensrÿche‎) announced a contest for fans who wish to berate the "Frequency Unknown" album in a new forum; directly in front of the artists who created the album.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Vikking Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Leuven Day 3

Vikking Beer. This Blond Ale at 8.5% ABVis definitely the heaviest of the batch, and what makes this Metal is not the obvious (being after the most Metal species of humans that existed), but rather the not-so-obvious. How many times have you gone to a concert/house party/football game/etc and some random guy wears the viking helmet? The guy in the picture is probably someone you have seen in the aforementioned predicament many times over and he looks exactly like that, acting very Metal just by putting on the helmet \m/

Satan Gold Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Leuven Day 3

Satan Gold. Standing at 8% ABV, a Belgian Stong Pale Ale, fruity with a touch of spice. I think the qualifications for this beverage entry to the ranks of Metal Beers far surpass any test that can be thrown at it. Than again, all the Metal bands that preach their loyalty to Satan (especially of the Black Metal variety) can vouch for this beverage creds \m/

Forestinne Gothika Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Leuven Day 3

Forestinne Gothika Beer. A Brown Beer with 7.5% ABV. This has got to be one of the most unusual Brown/Dark Beers I have drank as it has a unique sweetness which I can only describe as being heavy licorice. This is the closest description I can provide as I can't think of anything else that would be close to it. Its Metal qualifications? How many times have Goths gone to Metal Concerts and Metalheads have gone to Gothic Night Clubs? Need more proof, think Moonspell. Gotcha \m/

Wolf 8 Dark Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Leuven Day 3

And like with the recent visit to another Metal Bar, this bar had a beer within its ranks that was personally delivered by the Nectar Gods on the Metallic side. The beer in question was from the Wolf Brewery, and the offering was Wolf 8 Dark Beer. At 8.5% ABV, it delivered a bite of great taste, and the beer had a slight sweetness and considering it is a dark ale. The Metal credentials? The Wolf being the face of not only the beer in question, but the brewery as well. Talk about a Wolfheart \m/

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Grimbergen Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Antwerpen Day 2

Grimbergen, a beer I only had during my first visit to Belgium. a Belgian Pale Ale, this beer stands at 6.7% ABV, and while it isn't a heavyweight, as a middleweight it can still deliver a heavy blow, and it is a beverage not to be underestimated. The flavor has a smooth texture with a touch of sweet bitter. The Phoenix Rising is definitely a Deströyer 666 approved Metal rating, hence allowing the beverage entry into Metals equivalence of Valhalla \m/

Slayer Cocktail (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Antwerpen Day 2

The Slayer Cocktail. Take some Eristoff Vodka, Tequila and Bols Blue, mix 'em together, and you got a War Ensemble of a beverage. The taste is a harsh sweet that goes down smooth, but it will knock you on your ass on the first strike.

Judas Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Antwerpen Day 2

Judas Beer, a Belgian Strong Pale Ale at 8.5% ABV. A decent heavyweight, it definitely has a noticeable kick with a bit of clout and the taste is hoppy. It's credentials for being a Metal beer? Take a good long look at the name and tell me if you don't notice a missing word? Hint, think holy man, father, rabbi, shaman, etc (at this stage, if you haven't figured it out, you have failed as a Defender of the Faith). Aside from the obvious references, the name and aesthetics of the drink are definitely in League with Satan, and can guide one to a Heavy Place \m/

Goliath Beer (Metal Trek)

Taken from the 2013 Belgian Invasion, Brussels and Antwerpen Day 2

Like with any meal, a good beverage to wash down the chow is a definite must, and this would be the HUGE discovery mentioned earlier, and aside the other beverages that didn't make it on this blog, one from this establishment was worthy to grace the halls of Metal Trek. Introducing Goliath Beer (I told you it was :::HUGE:::), a tripel beer with a 9% ABV. For a name like Goliath, I was hoping it would break the 10% barrier, but this will do. So why does Goliath get a spot on a Metal Blog like Metal Trek and Channel 13? For starters, it shares the name with a very Metal Disney character. The giant is also wearing a helmet with a bird of prey (species undetermined) on top of it. The font style definitely helps the beer case for its Metalocity. The taste is very malty, but clean, deceptively clean.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

La Guillotine Pale Ale (Metal Trek)

Folks, as Metal Trek ( http://metaltrek.blogspot.com ) is about to embark on its next wave of updates, the 2013 Belgian Invasion has provided some Metal Beers for the world to behold \m/

Since these beers were discovered during the 2013 Belgian Invasion, it is only fitting that Metal Trek take the lead in presenting the beers, so the section of the post that involves the beer will be mirrored here as well as linked so you may view the post it belongs to. The posts are small, but worth the read.

The first beer on this voyage of the Nectar Gods is La Guillotine Pale Ale, and if there ever was a beer fitting to kick off this series of posts, this is it.

Taken from Metal Trek: 2013 Belgian Invasion, The Day Before Departure and Brussels Day 1

La Guillotine Beer, a Belgian Pale Ale. What makes it Metal? It's a freaking guillotine, the device used to take peoples heads off. I believe no further explanation on its Metalocity is needed. The beer stands at 8.5% ABV, making a decent middleweight, with a clean yet strong taste, with a hint of sweet.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Spurious Harmonics: Blaze Bayley Joins the WWE

During a recent press conference, Blaze Bayley announced to the world he has joined the ranks of the WWE.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Inroducing Spurious Harmonics

Channel 13 is proud to announce a new segment in its halls called Spurious Harmonics. The new feature will be about Metal in the netherworld known as make-believe (Nowhere near the Neighborhood of Make-Believe). The stories presented are somewhat true, but the identity of the source of the story will remain anonymous to protect the guilty of such deeds.

Spurious Harmonics: Johan Hegg Quits Amon Amarth

It was announced today that long time vocalist and Destroyer of the Universe Johan Hegg has quit Amon Amarth in a move that stunned the Metal Community of the world.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Taste of the Beast

It's one thing to claim Beer is the Metalheads choice of beverage, but it is a whole different beast when the bottle bears the mark of the beast.

Robinsons Brewery was up to the task by offering Bruce Dickinson (if I have to say who this individual is, you're reading the wrong blog) not just a "flavor of the month and forgotten Somewhere Back In Time" beverage, but one that they intend to join the Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner.

The Trooper Beer is a Handcrafted British Ale at 4.7% ABV, and will see daylight this upcoming May 2013, and like the namesake of the song, it seems it will charge headfirst into the Metal history books, and win/lose/draw, this will be a drink for the ages.

Picture courtesy of Classic Rock Magazine

Dhalsim, Metal Fan?

Yoga. The only thing in the entire universe that a Metal fan can associate the aforementioned word is the Street Fighter character named Dhalsim. While this is acceptable in Metal intelligence, it also acceptable to push to boundaries and explore other realms of Yoga, as long as the Metallic elements are raging. Unfortunately, no such discovery has ever happened until recently, when Neda Draupadi Honarvar (a "E-RYT 200", this is Yoga's version of Super Saiya-jin 4) of Tough Love Yoga united 2 forces, the Ancient Indian Philosophy and the Audio Razors Edge (Aka \m/ METAL \m/).

Metalheads have always used Metal music as a depressant (not the suicidal variety, but the calming variety), and to have the Hindu Philosophy as a added armament to the relaxation endgame, is a definite victory in the glory of blood-soaked iron.

For a class that allows one to "Listen to metal. Do yoga. Melt your face off in a very relaxing and healing way." (Quote taken from Atlanta Magazine \m/), this is definitely up a Metal fans alley, and for $10 a class, it is also within a Metal Legions wallet reach (as long as the sacrifice of a six pack is done, the Nectar Gods will not be happy).

Picture courtesy of toughloveyoga.com

Monday, March 4, 2013

Channel 13 and Metal Trek Temporary Hiatus

Good evening Metal Fans of the Internet within the scope of my texted message. Channel 13 and Metal Trek (http://metaltrek.blogspot.com) are going to be on hiatus as I take on 2 very tough months (March & April), making it difficult to update both blogs with new posts.

The month of March is gonna see my internet time being dedicated to researching and putting the final touches on my upcoming trip to Belgium for the PPM Fest (http://www.ppmfest.com).

As you can tell by the aforementioned festival, I will be on the other side of the great pond (aka the Atlantic Ocean) in April to attend the PPM Fest in Belgium as well as visit Brussels and other parts of the country (mainly the tourist attractions and Metal night clubs). As some of you who know me, this trip also means taking advantage of this great country finest offering; its beers \m/

I also plan on visiting Emden, Germany, where my best bud and his awesome family lives & Düsseldorf, Germany, the city that has hosted my entry and exits in my last 2 trips, but never had the chance know.

There may be new posts, but this more on the "maybe" side of the fence, but for the time being, I have updated Channel 13 with a new post to say sorry for the upcoming, grinding halt.

The countdown has begun to the 2013 Belgian Invasion \m/

Eristoff Vodka and the Pirates of Nassau Shot Glass

Vodka, as discussed before, is a beverage worthy of the Metal Gods and its impact in our society's history can never be under estimated.

The abrasiveness of Vodka is unforgiving, and this is in essence how Metal works. The music with its unapologetic delivery and the fans who are not afraid to show either the horns for good tunes or the middle finger for audios equivalence of shit.

While there are many vodkas available today, only a few can dare be worthy of the Metal Gods and their followers, and today we look at such beverage.

Introducing Eristoff Vodka.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Eddies Carnaval Reign

During Carnaval, 2013, Eddie made an appearance outside of a stage and into the parade of parades.

Photo courtesy of Iron Maiden's Facebook

The Rise of the Avian Predators

Photo courtesy of WSOC TV

This would have made the book (1952)/movie (1963) "Birds" \m/ Metal \m/

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Tarnished Iron: Danny Marianino

Fighting. Something Metalheads have been engaged in many times since the dawn of time, from the fist-a-cuffs in the pits, to the backstage brawls, to the battlefront known as the internet. Why we fight is for a series of reasons, from band members settling disputes ranging from girls/drugs/money/musical notes/etc, to the accidental punch-in-a-face inside a pit that leaves the receiver seething with anger and vengeance, to arguing about a band "style of Metal (aka, sub-genres debate)" on a forum/message board/YouTube Channel/random internet median/etc that escalates to a fight of words. While this act of violence (and especially words) is a natural trait amongst our people, it is nothing special to see 2 guys go at it (where as seeing 2 gals go at it is).

One night in Tuba City, Arizona, on July 3, 2004, changed the spectrum of what fighting amongst the Metal ranks was all about when Danny Marianino from the "Thugcore(?)" band North Side Kings took a swing and nailed Glenn Danzig, knocking him to the floor.

CREDIT: BlankTV

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Frankford Guitar Heart Box of Chocolates

The box of chocolates. One of the key symbols of romance. This contraption of cardboard and processed cacao has historically been intertwined with all that is Valentines Day and love. How many cartoons (especially cartoons), TV shows and movies has this item been shown in some comical way to present the characters desire for affection of the person he wants? Too many to count.

While we can go on and on about boxed chocolates, we are seeking a higher representation for the Steel-Clad Warriors who desire something on our level to express our love the only way we can, and so far, no such item has been available... until today.

Today's blog post is quite possibly the apex example of Metal Love, and it is Frankford's Guitar Heart Box of Chocolates.

Mello Smello 3D Skull Guitar Valentines Day Cards

Valentines Day Cards. Something Metal Legions have seen plenty of times (but rarely received). Why we don't bother with these is pretty simple, they are not Metal.

While the concept of giving a card with a heart on it is something foreign to our people, the purpose behind it can never be underestimated, and that's to attract women.

We now have the perfect card that can accomplish this feat and still retain the Metallic elements needed to deliver our message.

Mello Smello 3D Skull Guitar Valentines Day Cards

Beavis and Butt-head Valentines Day Boxer Shorts

Love advice. Something Metalheads can use A LOT. We are not known for being the most lovable creatures in the world. While Glam Metal may have given us an idea of what love is, it definitely falls short of the mark needed to make the impact on the opposite sex as donning yourself in ladies makeup and sparkling pink spandex will not win over the gals in the "2010's".

So what's a Metalhead to do when the only extensive database of love is from an outdated subculture extinct since the 80's? Go to the 90's and seek advice from the next best experts in Metal romance; Beavis and Butt-head.

With slogans like "Hey baby", "come to Butt-head" or "boioioioing!!!", these 2 have mastered the feat of attracting women (at least by Metal standards as they managed to go up to women and speak with them. That's leap and bounds ahead of what the average Metal fan can accomplish), they are Heavy Metal's standard of handling the opposite sex.

To commemorate this evolution in Metal love, Target has provided the perfect attire if in the event we manage to evolve past the stage of just talking to women. Boxer Shorts.

Introducing the Beavis and Butt-head Valentines Day Boxer Shorts.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Skittles Darkside

Candy. A food item Metalheads know very well considering our "dietary needs" (a term I used loosely). By itself, candy is Metal, considering how it slowly it rots the teeth and it does more harm done than good to the human body. It also helps candy is frequently found at the one place Metalheads are known to hang out in, the convenience store (aka the Quickie Mart).

While candy has the necessary merits on its own to be Metal, sometimes a sweet treat comes along that pushes the sugar infused food item beyond steel borders.

Introducing Skittles Darkside.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Love Skulls, Crossbones and Hearts Boxer Shorts

Valentines Day. Not exactly the most Metal holiday, unless you count the breakups that occurs on this holiday due to any number of reasons. While this holiday only brings heartbreak to the legions, every once in a while, it brings forth a Metallic touch (I am not talking about Glam Metal, although it's not that far away considering their subject matter).

Channel 13 is proud to announce Valentines Day most Metal offerings, and today we begin this series of posts with boxer shorts that add a touch of Metal to love, or love to Metal, or vice versa.

Introducing Walgreens Love Skulls, Crossbones and Hearts Boxer Shorts.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Inkology Rock Star Guitar Pen

Pens. Since the dawn of time (more like when we all started 4th grade) have been a educational utensil that we needed to do our homework (or graffiti notebook/bathroom walls/desks/etc.). They have also allowed Metalheads to write lyrics (or notes to pass along to fellow headbangers (at least back in the 80's/90's, these days it is the smartphones that reigns supreme on the communication front)).

While pens are not the most Metal creation in the world (probably more under-appreciated than we allow), they have contributed to our musics lyrical creativity (more like making it happen).

It's one thing to doodle and write with a regular pen, but what if you had a pen that actually had the razors edge of METAL?

Intoducing Inkology's Rock Star Guitar Pen.

Bicycle Harley-Davidson Playing Cards

Bikers. One of the 2 subcultures that contributed to our societies being (the other being hippies). How many Metal songs/albums/musicians/etc. are inspired (and even ridden) by the Iron Horse? Too many to count.

While there are many manufacturers of the creatures that dwell in the Steel Stables, only one has been synonymous with the aforementioned subculture that staked its claim in this planet called Earth. Harley-Davidson.

While the story of Harley-Davidson can be connected to Metalheads, another element of the bikers ancient past (aka cowboys) has been gaining popularity in the world of the Iron-clad warriors. Poker.

What is needed to play poker? Cards. And while playing cards are Metal on their own merit, every once in a while a deck of cards comes along that pushes it to Volume "11".

Introducing Bicycles Harley-Davidson Playing Cards.

Beavis and Butt-head Cornholio Shirt

Beavis and Butt-head. The 2 wise men of Heavy Metal. While both are needed to make the magic known as "Mtv's only good offering", sometimes they needed to be split in order for each one to hold his own weight in the challenges they faced during their misadventures.
To pick which one was better suited to fly solo would be picking apples and oranges, but if one had to be chose, it would have to be Beavis. Beavis was the slightly dumber one of the two, but while his stupidity was a weakness, his luck and charm as the counterweight to the disadvantage.

It also helped Beavis when his "Mr. Hyde" surfaced (with the encouragement of sugar based food and beverages), hence adding a second man to his solo routine.

To honor his deep end alter-ego, Target offers the Corholio T-shirt.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Tarnished Iron: Dr. Tom ter Bogt

Science. A subject that Metalheads excel without limitations. Think about it for a minute. Our form of music is "Metal", and within its borders are many different forms of "Metal" that exist (like the Periodic Tables "Metallic" elements).

While we can scientifically discern about what is Metal and what is not "Metal", today we will look at a different discipline of science that also has it's fingerprints in our culture (or our fingerprints in its laboratories), Pediatrics (the medicine field of medical care for infants, children and adolescents).

Some days ago, a cultural psychologist decided to go against the element known as Ferrum (aka "Iron", aka what Metal music is made from) by publishing a study about Heavy Metal causing teenage delinquency.

Tarnished Iron presents Dr. Tom ter Bogt.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Yttrium Cuisinier: Brutal Blueberry Pie Assault

Channel 13 is proud to announce a new series of posts titled "Tales of the Yttrium Cuisinier". This new section of Channel 13 will deal with cooking the Metal way, and while there are plenty of cooks infused with Metallic elements, this will be my version of it.

The first post of this new series will be dedicated to a Metal Fest of Brutal proportions. Introducing the Brutal Blueberry Pie Assault.

INGREDIENTS:
Vanilla Yogurt (32 oz).
Rumple Minze Peppermint Schnapps (200ml).
Fresh Blueberries (Approximately 2 Cups).
Oreo Cookie Pie Crust.

HARDWARE:
2 Plates approximately 6" - 7" in diameter.
A deep bowl that can hold approximately 3 - 4 cups of liquid.
A bowl that is approximately 6" - 7" in diameter.
Plastic Strainer (medium to big).
Paper Towel.
Spoon.

RECIPE:
I6Z6A6N NOTE: The following recipe requires a 24 hour prep time. This will be explained further in this post. Also, please make certain to have all the aforementioned items listed in the "INGREDIENTS" and "HARDWARE" section before proceeding.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Grill 'Em All Truck Crashes through Wall

As reported on Blabbermouth, the folks that brought the Grill 'Em All Food Truck has recently opened their first restaurant at the Renaissance Theater Plaza (1 East Main Street, Alhambra, CA 91801).

The concept of Grill 'Em All came about when 2 Metalheads, Ryan Harkins and Matthew Chernus, began in 2009 by offering gourmet burgers named after Heavy Metal bands (Exciter, Anvil, Kreator), Wrestlers (Samoa Joe) & Celebrities (Hannah Montana) while offering their meals in the portable confines of a chariot (aka, a Food Truck).

The duo also managed to win the Food Networks first ever "The Great Food Truck Race", thus procuring greatness (and $50,000) in the name of Metal \m/

Photo Courtesy of Grill 'Em All

Monday, January 7, 2013

Dialogues of the Steel Jaws of Death: Karla Renee and Her Behemoth Autographed Tattoos

Fandom. Something many Metalheads can relate to. As a society, we are drawn in by those who make the most crucial component of our culture happen, the music.

There are many different types of fans. The casual fan will consist of individuals who have a passing interest in a band and afterwards, move on to another band. The mid-level fan is someone who will buy a shirt or 2 and listen to said bands albums in semi-rotation.

Than you have the elite of the fandom squad, the hardcore, it's :::INSERT NAME OF BAND HERE::: or nothing. These are the ones who have dedicated a good chunk of their life (in many or every facet) to the band of their choice. Sometimes it can be investing a good chunk of money (like albums, schwag, concerts), time (waiting for hours after a concert for the band to come out to sign autographs and meet their fans), and sometimes beyond (like getting a tattoo to signify their loyalty, or sacrifice living beings to their chosen Metal God/Goddess, or burning a church in the name of their overlord behind the instrument.).

Today we look at one individual who decided to take the hardcore route in the may trails of Heavy Metal. During the 2012 Barge to Hell event, a very unsuspecting but awesome lady decided to get her arm autographed by the members of Behemoth, and took it a step further and had her autographed arm tattooed in the Bahamas, staking her claim in Metal History.

The Dialogues of the Steel Jaws of Death introduces Karla Renee and Her Behemoth Autographed Tattoos \m/

Ace of Spuds

Here's Lemmy's take on why you should never steal potato chips.

CREDIT: astburyrock

Ace of Steels

As reported on Blabbermouth some days ago, it seems Motörhead's signature song needed a Steel-clad cover \m/

CREDIT: TheRobocross1

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Poison Cocktail Shaker and the Screaming Blue Viking

The Cocktail Shaker. A crucial tool in the world of alcohol. It allows the mixing of beverages in a way a spoon or stirrer cannot accomplish. Like with any chemistry lab, the proper tools are needed to make the mixing of chemicals happen, and alcohol is no different. What happens when your run-of-the-mill cocktail shaker can't handle a \m/ HEAVY \m/ elixir? That's where the Poison Cocktail Shaker comes into the picture.

The elixir in question is the Screaming Blue Viking, a beverage fit for Metalheads and Metal Gods alike.

To present these items in todays post, I have decided to create a video since 2 items of massive greatness cannot be contained in a series of pics. Okay, you get 1 pic, but only due to the fact that it is the mandatory, obligatory, regulatory necessity of those who need a pic.

Death Metal is Spelled with an "F"

There comes a time when a tattoo job gets mucked up because the needle-jockey had a creators block stuck in his head. When everything is said and done, the block should be rammed in the head of the fouler instead of his pride.

CREDIT: funnyadsbiz2

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Hype Skull Speaker

Let's be frank, speakers aren't manufactured with the Metalhead in mind since the idea is to sell as many to different types of people as possible, and while we have always had to settle for what everybody else was using, we are fortunate that Hype has been unleashing a number of speakers that cater to the Metal Hordes necessity to listen to our sacred audio with a dose of armor to reflect what is on the inside.

Today we look at what is quite possibly their most Metal offering, and the louder twin of the 2, the Skull Speaker.

Honda Odyssey, the Hellion of Minivans

Seems Carl's Jr. took a hint from Honda on how to push their products.

CREDIT grumpyncraby

Carl's Jr. Jalapeño Turkey Burger Commercial

As reported on Blabbermouth, it seems Carl's Jr. fast food restaurants has decided to deliver the message of their Jalapeño Turkey Burger Commercial with the Sonic Fury of Steel.

CREDIT: Carl's Jr.

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