Papyrus Biker Jacket Birthday Card

Birthdays. Not exactly the most Metal thing to celebrate. In recent years, birthdays have started to become more "Metalized", as in house parties where Cannibal Corpse/Keator/Primal Fear/Marduk/etc. are blaring through the mega-sized living room speakers instead of the usual rap music/house/reggaeton/pop music/insert name of crappy genre of music here/etc. of a bratty tweenster. As with the appropriate choice of music, Dethklok some years ago released a song called "Birthday Dethday" which gave Metalheads of the world a birthday song worthy of our sonic lungs to scream in celebration of a friend/family member/pet/random person/etc. achieving their closer moment to death. Talk about looking at a birthday morbidly.

Aside the usual fare of birthday activities, atmosphere, music, food, and so forth, there is one item that puts the exclamation point in any birthday. The birthday card. While it's one thing to say "happy birthday" verbally, it's a whole different animal when you show in physical form the saying "happy birthday". There are many birthday cards out there, but there is only one that can give the Metalhead a true way of delivering the message. Introducing Papyrus Biker Jacket Birthday Card.

As you can see, the details in this card really give it the extra nudge for making it a very Metal birthday card.

The envelope that came with the card was not spared the Metal treatment as it basks in gray glory.

The inside color of the envelope comes in the color of the standard issue uniform of the Metal Military...Black.

The card has multiple pages in case you want to do the following:

A) Write a bunch of band logos like you did in Middle/High School.

B) Write the Saga of the Icelanders.

C) Have a bunch of people sign it like it was a school yearbook from your early days as a Metal Legion (that is, if you had any friends to begin with, as "Troo" and "Kvlt" Metal fans do not have any).

The obligatory card company's generic imprinted message for those who don't have a thing to say. Papyrus was really going for the anti-social audience with this card. Maybe they have a very good understanding of their customers.

We now get to the meat and potatoes of this cards appeal to those who wear the "Denim and Leather". The front of the card is a real eye catcher, as it captures the details of what is an obligatory piece of armor Metalheads need to have. From the faux-pas leather, to the zippers (they actually go up and down). As for what's inside the jacket, just dry glue.

Overall, a great item for Metalheads to give to fellow allies on the day we were brought into this evil world that needs to be conquered by the Dark-Clad Knights of Steel.

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Ghost Rider Eraser

Ghost Rider. As said many time before, he is one of the most Metal comic book characters to grace the pages of illustrated glory. While I would like to go into his Metalocity credentials, I will leave it up to you, the viewer of Channel 13, to re-visit a past article to delve into his credentials (and look at another Metal Trinket he inspired).

Today we look at an item that many people need when working with pencils... the eraser. When working with pencils, the occasional mistake happens, and what is needed to rectify said mistake, the aforementioned eraser to "erase" whatever error said operator of wooden and lead utensil made.

How does Ghost Rider fit into this whole picture? When you make an eraser out of Mr. Hellfire himself.

One thing that can be said about this eraser is that they definitely went into basic details. Not the most intricate, but what it lacks in the "splitting-hair-able-to-see-every-follicle" type of statue that's out in the market today, it more than makes up for it by giving the procurer of an excellent error-corrector abnormal version of Ghost Rider.

They managed to keep Ghost Riders key melee weapon, his Enchanted Hellfire Chain.

The flame job came out hellacious for the type of object this is.

Here you have his secret weapon that never made it to the comics, tv shows, or films... The corn-hole of fiery death.

As with the previous posts on Channel 13, I like to put in practice/use the trinket being covered, and this 1-2 combo will make any office/student desk more Metal than it has any right to be considering offices and student desks are not Metal.

Definitely recommended for those of us who want to enhance the experience of doing math homework, although I would advice against using this as an actual eraser since it may burn a hole in your desk.

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Domino's Pizza Hair Metal Order Tracker

Before I begin, a bit of a disclaimer about this post. Todays discovery came about by "accident". Here's how the story goes. It's Friday (literally yesterday from this post), just got out of work, and I ordered some pizzas via the internet (what provoked this was a bargain of a deal I received in my personal email. 50% off my entire order. Something like this usually inspires people to reach for their wallets and give the cash for said item(s) in question). What's more interesting is that after consuming a good chunk of the pies (with little leftover for everyone else \m/ ), I realized Domino's had a Metal way of tracking your order.

Before the internet age, you would either A) Go to the pizza restaurant and place your order and wait a good 20 - 25 minutes (this was back in the day when ovens needed a lot of time to bake the pizza, not like todays ovens that can get the job done faster), or B) The more popular choice was to phone in (Harry Sachz style) your order for carryout or the more popular (and more expensive) choice of delivery. These 2 choices lacked one thing the internet age brought... the tracking of your order. This is what you call the backstage access to the pizza parlor, minus the glitz and glam.

Channel 13 introduces you to Domino's Pizza Hair Metal theme Order Tracker.

Thankfully, when Domino's was promoting this feature, they actually kept the thumb in, instead of the usual error of the thumb sticking out to say I love you. Metal is not love, it is W6A6R6!

My only gripe with this feature is that they called it Hair Metal. While Hair Metal is for all intents and purposes Metal (and to prove my point, I can take any drugged out, alcoholic musicians from the Hair Metal era and they can play their instrument a hell of a lot better than their rap wiggin' counterpart of the late 90's/early 2000's), it definitely could've been better had they dropped the word "Hair" and ran with the shortened name of "Metal".

The feature definitely goes after the stereotype not only of the aforementioned sub-genre of Metal, but traditional Metal as well with the Iron Maiden font, the knobs at the most Metal volume setting ("11" for those of you on the outside), the amp design of the tracker, as well as the constant borderline bellowing/screeching of the status of your order whenever it hits the part that is complete, and even the lightning bolts and pyros add to this tracker themes Metalness.

Credit: TFHDC

Next time you want to order some pizza and want to burn the time between the "order" button and the delivery guy/gal arriving at your doorstep, give Domino's Pizza Hair Metal theme Order Tracker a shot and behold the glory that is Metal, pizza order style \m/

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