JSR Direct Christmas Sale

Christmas. Not exactly the most Metal of holidays, but Legions of the world can try and make it a very HEAVY season. Today we look at one aspect that makes the holiday season a special one, even for the Worthy, the major sales happening around this period of time. Introducing JSR Direct Christmas Sale.

As before, JSR Direct had a killer 1 - 2 combo that will make the Street Fighter games of yesterday look like a retirement square dance. First, JSR Direct decided to have a sale on accessories. Second, they offered free shipping on one day, December 16, which meant the countdown to a money saving, stocking stuffer, under-the-tree bargain bonanza began. Note the list is arranged by price from least to greatest, as it is a HEAVY list of METAL!


First up is the least expensive item of the lot, a Robot Chicken sticker. The sole purpose of it's purchase, it's a damn good sticker for a damn good TV show.


Next up is the Blind Guardian wristband, for those days when you're going to shred in intercontinental distances.


Next up is the Swashbuckle flask, as pirates are known for transporting the rum to far off places, so should Metal fans.


The best part of this purchase is that now I have 2 sizes to choose from when it comes to flasks, in case the situation of alcohol transportation requires either size or stealth.


Belt buckles are known to be used by Metal Legions to enhance the statement of "THIS BAND ROCKS", and very few can match Kreators titan sized sound.


To continue the "Onslaught" of the previous Invasion of the Wicked Horde, we have 2 kickass shirts that missed the first boat to my house, but caught the second vessel leaving the JSR Direct port.

First up is Iced Earth's Overture of the Wicked shirt. As basic of a shirt as it is, I'll be the first to admit the impact is very Titanic.


It is only fitting to follow the shirt that is based on the EP with the full length album that followed it, Iced Earth's Framing Armageddon: Something Wicked Part 1 shirt.


Now, and to take a Napoleon Bonaparte quote, "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake". The enemy in this case is "the price of the grand total". Typically, this enemy's ultimate goal is to hurt and/or kill your wallet, and in this sales case, the enemy has made an error by granting so much by allowing so little to compensate for it. And being the opportunistic General/Admiral/Air Marshall/some high ranking loon/etc in the military, I decided to purchase a hoodie with this bundle for the upcoming 2 hours of winter Miami is known for getting. Mind you, the hoodie is not part of this sale, but definitely worth mentioning.

The hoodie is Amon Amarth's Viking in Throne surrounded by wolves and skulls. If there ever was a throne fit for Metal Kings and Queens, this is it.


The best part about this hoodie is the details involved, as they are amazing and they used a good chunk of the space available.



Here's a list of the items I procured without the sale price tag and without the free shipping:

Robot Chicken Sticker: $1.00 (Approximately)
Blind Guardian Wrist Band: $7.00 (Approximately)
Swashbuckle Flask: $10.00 (Approximately)
Kreator Belt Buckle: $20.00
Iced Earth Overture of the Wicked Shirt: $15.95
Iced Earth Framing Amraggedon: Something Wicked Part 1 Shirt: $15.95
Amon Amarth Hoodie $42.95
Shipping: $20.79
Grand Total: $133.64

So now you're wondering if this was a sale, what was the final tally? Here's the breakdown.

Robot Chicken Sticker: $0.50
Blind Guardian Wrist Band: $1.00
Swashbuckle Flask: $3.00
Kreator Belt Buckle: $5.00
Iced Earth Overture of the Wicked Shirt: $7.95
Iced Earth Framing Amraggedon: Something Wicked Part 1 Shirt: $7.95
Amon Amarth Hoodie $42.95
Shipping: Free
Grand Total: $68.35

The holidays have been good to me \m/

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Spoetzl Brewery Black Lager

For this review, we are going to launch Channel 13's first original production video, and what better way to start it off than by covering the best subject in the world: B6E6E6R!.

The beer in question is Spoetzl Brewery Black Lager.


I want to extend a HEAVY THANKS to Alex Flores (of Sinistre Division) and Shirley Moonspell for their contribution to this video, as 3 heads are better than one (Just ask Cerberus, a very Metal pooch.).

Enjoy Channel 13's first original production video!

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DNA Energy Drink & Beef Jerky

Metal fans are not known for having a healthy diet. Typically, we just grab what ever we can and hit the venue/road/performance without even thinking about what we just ate, and that's how it is, since we have to spend our time focused on important things like METAL!

Henceforth, the typical places Metal fans find their substance, aside from pizza joints and taco shacks, is the convenience store (Beavis and Butt-head will vouch for this.). This is where we meet on a night when no bands are performing and stake a territory in the town/city/barren wasteland to call our own.

Today we look at 2 items that is a mandatory requirement to the convenience stores armada of food and beverages, the energy drink and beef jerky. And this being a Metal blog, we will look at a very Metal energy drink and beef jerky. Introducing DNA's Citrus, Sugar Free Citrus Energy & Sugar Free Cranrazberry Energy Drinks and Original, Spicy, Taco & Pizza Beef jerky Snack Sticks and Original and Teriyaki jerky-in-a-bag.


What makes these drinks and jerkys Metal?6?6?6? Simple, the fact that DNA has made the skull intertwined with DNA (As in the genetic code.) their official mascot is a testament to the company not being afraid to showcase how to the bone they take their goods.

First up are the jerky sticks. Pretty simple and to the point, and extremely convenient for those on the run to the next Metal show, I managed to snag 4 flavors of their line, and as aforementioned, looks like they were gunning for the Metalheads diet of Original, Spicy, Taco & Pizza flavored jerky sticks.


The Original jerky stick was pretty plain, simple. Like the last the sentence.


The Spicy jerky stick did have a kick and left my tongue "Burnin' for You".


The Taco flavored jerky stick was actually good and surprisingly tasted like they put a taco in the jerky.


As for the Pizza flavored jerky stick, it's Harry Sachz approved.


Next on the food side of this junk food delivery are the jerky-in-a-bag. The 2 flavors are Original and Teriyaki. For some Twilight Zone/Area 51/Black Ops reason, the Original flavor jerky-in-a-bag was better than it's jerky stick counter part, where as the Teriyaki flavor was dry and boring.


Of course, eating food this "Toxik" requires a "Nuclear Assault" of liquid to drain it down, and what better way to do it than with their energy drink.


There's the Citrus flavor energy drink, just imagine drinking a harsh version of Sunkist. Nothing more.


Than you got it's soulless sibling, Sugar Free Citrus Sugar. Just like Sunkist, but neutered.


Finally there's the Sugar Free Cranrazberry. For those who couldn't figure out the name play, it is Cranberry with Raspberry. This one is the Champion of the lot. The flavor was extremely good, and to be frank, I can see myself drinking this regularly. The color looks like alien blood from "Somewhere Out In Space".


To say this was an adventure that my organs wished I never embarked on is an understatement. And yes, I did mix all 3 flavors of the energy drinks presented here and actually drank it. Don't ask how that came out to be.

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Dial for Men Glycerin Soap

As discussed before, a Metalheads hygiene has been a question proposed to many by many, and while it seems our reputation for being down to the dirt grimy will never shake us anytime soon, doesn't mean we can't make an attempt to be clean.

Where normal bars of soap have failed before, we now have an additional armament to add to the weapons of mass cleanliness. Introducing Dial for Men Glycerin Soap.


I came across this bar of soap when I was doing my errands, and when I saw the bow, it looked pretty metal (Not the music, just the color.). Upon closer inspection, I realized the bar of soap inside it's boxed contents had some potential that it could be a very Metal (Now I am talking about the music and culture \m/).


The soap itself will get us clean after a day of working under the hood of a electric guitar, or conducting open heart surgery on a bass, or cracking the skull open of an amp and getting the nerves to work again.


The color looks like an ice cream bar that received an injection of HEAVINESS, of course eating it will not taste anything like the description I have provided.


The smell is okay, but nothing special. As the saying goes, it gets the job done.

Overall, this is the perfect bar of soap to have in your bathroom if your looking for something cheap and very Metal to clean your hands instead of the usual over the top hand wash liquids overwhelming the market these days.

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Channel 13 Version 2.0 & Syndication Announcement

Good evening everybody.

First, I would like to mention Channel 13 has been refit to Version 2.0 for the METAL service known as internet propaganda and is at your disposal to consume ALL THAT IS METAL!6!6!6! You will notice that the posts have been collapsed to give the homepage a better overall view so you can access content quicker without having to resort to reading a "Saga of the Icelanders" style book.

Second, it is with great morbid fascination that I announce Channel 13 Syndication Programming. Essentially, I scour the internet and look for Metal videos that are worthy of the worthy's attention, and what better way to begin the audio/visual ONSLAUGHT than to showcase GOAT BLOWER.

A little background on the series, it is created by the True Goat Blower, and follows the band Goat Blower adventures in everyday life as they run into situations where their Kvlt and Troo status is constantly tested.

A definite webisode series one must follow, a HEAVY thanks to The True Goat Blower for allowing his show to be syndicated on Channel 13. Just go all the way to the bottom of the page and you'll bear witness to this unholy testament of evil.

Enjoy the Black Hordes invasion!6!6!6!
satan!

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Lost Coast Brewery 8 Ball Stout

The game of pool is one of the many Taverns Olympic Events since it's inception, and since Metalheads are known for frequenting Pubs, it's only natural that the Legions would play a game worthy of the Metal Gods.

Todays post looks at the most Metal ball in the aforementioned game, the 8 Ball. With it's black color, it's anti-social status amongst the ranks of the other balls from pool, it deserves its place in the Halls of Metal, and the best way to celebrate the 8 Ball is the only way Metal fans celebrate everything else, with beer.

Introducing Eureka, California's Lost Coast Brewery 8 Ball Stout.


The beverage claims to be a Oatmeal Stout, although for some reason I can't taste it. However, the taste it does have is a very clean Irish style stout.


At 6.3% Alcohol content, it's not a heavy hitter, but it definitely is not a weakling either, something along the lines of a middleweight boozer.


The smell seems to be lacking anything heavy, but it is on the "okay" side of things with it's light chocolate aroma. Don't let the dark tone fool you, it's a smooth Stout.


The beer has some potential and while it may not be the best Stout in the market, it definitely has a oxymoron approach and a definite change in pace for those who are either on the clean side or dirty side of beers. Plus it's paying tribute to a Metal ball so that is a credential on it's side. Definitely recommended.

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