SLOGAN

BEYOND THE BANDS. BEYOND THE VENUE. BEYOND THE MUSIC. THIS BLOG BRINGS FORTH ALL THAT IS METAL.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Nerf Thor's Hammer

Movies. For Metal fans, films that are geared for our people don't come very often. When a movie does come out that appeals to our demographic, it typically was made unintentionally. To prove this point, let's look at some films that are considered Metal, but were not made with our people's interest in mind:

- The Road Warrior (1981), just as one of the most Metal tag teams in wrestling, Demolition.
- Dawn of the Dead (1978), just ask Cliff Burton.
- The Exorcist (1973), just ask the guys from Possessed.

Now don't get me wrong, there have been some films that have had our core group targeted (think The Stöned Age (1994), Rock Star (2001), Airheads (1994, Lemmy is God \m/), etc.) since film makers can only churn out so many Friday the 13th/Death Wish/Rocky Sequels. A sidenote, the Friday the 13th series of films were definitely a Metal, Death Wish is flirting with the Metal border but get's a pass due to the random violence and deadly vigilantism on teenage criminals the films glorified. As for the Rocky film franchise, well, definitely not Metal, but the point of these films is to prove how many roman numerals a film franchise can have before it runs out of shelf space at the local video rental store (and it did happen).

Today's post is about the former of the films we have discussed, and a film that any Metal fan should have seen in the theaters as it is a film based on comic character who is based on a certain Nordic deity who many Metal Legions worship or hold a great deal of respect for. And that movie is Thor.

Like with any major comic-turned-movie franchise, the inevitable schwag comes along to expand on the money making opportunity, and with it, countless junk (with the rare hit) clutters our closets, children's toy boxes and office desks to show our support for said movie franchise.

The rare hit with the aforementioned film is Nerf's Thor's Hammer.



This is Nerf at their most Metal. Usually, their repertoire are weapons made out of their signature styrofoam and the dart guns that have come a long way since my days (the 80's, where they only shot darts one-at-a-time to the fully automatic gatlin' guns of today that spit out 10 darts in a second, talk about modern warfare at the playground).


Here you see the other toys they are peddling to the impressionable kiddies and fans of the film. Note Thor's helmet was a tempting purchase for me, but when I tried it on and looked at myself wearing it, the end result was not pretty.


The obligatory warning label to let people of all ages know how to use this hammer appropriately. I know there are plenty of you out there well above the age of 5 years old that bought this with the intention of hitting someone with it. Just come clean and there'll be no charges pressed, m'kay!


The details that was placed in this hammer go the distance as every nook and cranny was not overlooked. From the ridges on the handle, to the Nordic inscriptions and the runic texture, this hammer definitely had a lot of thought going into it.








As for the Runic Inscription, it translates "He who wields this hammer commands the lightning and the storm". Just saying...


Now, and I know this is the egotistical side of me coming out, but there is no way I could not pass up this opportunity without a picture to show how this hammer can make me look "majestic".


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Tarnished Iron: In Flames Motörhead inspired Shirt

In Flames. At one time, a heavy weight in the world of Metal. Now-a-days, nothing more than a standard issue American mallcore band from Sweden. There was a time when this band had great songs and albums under their belt, and a mascot that was definitely unique and worthy of the halls of Metal.

As time progressed, their music took a turn for the worst as they chose to write music for their new-found mallcore/emo/screamo/fake goth kids/insert name of counter culture youth movement which will hold the attention span of said kid for about a couple of weeks here/etc., and with it, the downfall of a legacy that has not been seen since the likes of Queensrÿche and their "unfortunate" turn for the theatrics.

As In Flames moved forward, their merchandise also took a turn for the worst as their shirts started looking like the artsy wardrobe the aforementioned clowns (aka the modern In Flames fans from 2002 and forward) wear.

This presents to you one of the greatest travesties a Metal shirt can ever place on the world of Slaying Steel.

Tarnished Iron presents: In Flames Motörhead inspired shirt.


Words cannot described the atrocity and the crime committed against all that is Metal that this shirt has committed.

Think about what In Flames has done here. They took one of the most well-beloved mascots, Snaggletooth, and one of the most iconic logos, the arched with umlaut Motörhead logo, and made it into one of their emo-inspired trash they refer to as their band schwag.

This is a message to all Metal fans who hold Motörhead to your hearts (and that's all of you). If you see anybody wearing this shirt, I call on you to destroy the target of said bozo wearing this over-glorified clown overalls on the spot. No exceptions and no parameters on how this task needs to be done. And while you're committing the deed, make certain to scream "LEMMY IS GOD!" as a way of letting the dragon at Niflheim know you've just sent another unworthy scraplet to his supper plate.

TAKE NO PRISONERS!6!6!6!
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Hot Wheels Avenger Monster Truck

Monster Trucks. Vehicles that are Metal in more ways than one. From their sheer presence, to the engine required to hurl said vehicle in the air from one side of the arena to the other, to the scream of the engine that pays (an unintentional) homage to Ormagöden.

Sometimes, there are Monster Trucks that are definitely Metal not only in the aforementioned qualifications, but in their "character". A lil background to what I just said. Think of Monster Trucks like Pro Wrestlers. Each wrestler has a gimmick (a character). Some wrestlers are Bionic Rednecks, others are Howdy Doody's long lost son, and others are Metal as HELL!6!6!6! Monster Trucks are no different. For example, you got Thrasher, Mohawk Warrior, and the Most Metal Monster Truck of them all, Grave Digger.

Today, we look at one of the imaginary trucks. These are the ones that don't exist but would make for an excellent team. Hey, it takes more than the driver to have their vehicles of doom and destruction up and runnin'. Think of the truck's pit crew like roadies.

Introducing Hot Wheels Avenger Monster Truck.


The truck has the classic black-and-white attack, with the black paint on the body of a "'57 Chevy " and the white flames and skull, the Metal war colors are raging angry in today's post.




If I was able to drive such a vehicle, I'd make short work of traffic and be on time to work, instead of my usual late entrance I'm known for making.




One thing about these Monster Trucks is the amount detail they go into. From the tires, to the paint job, to even the engine. Kids these days have it very good with all the toys that have come out in the last 10 years.






A name like Avenger definitely strikes a "Metalwrath".



Overall, a great truck fit for some Rock N' Roll Racing. Now if we only had Ax from the tag team Demolition drive it, than we'd have a guaranteed champion for the Monster Jam tournaments.


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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Countdown to the Barge to Hell begins

I have placed a countdown to the Barge to Hell on this blog and Wacken Trek for all of you to know either A) how much time is left to prepare if you are one of the voyagers, or B) for those of you unable to go, at least you know when this historical event will happen on the "second", or C) for those who of you who want to know when I go to Davey Jones Locker \m/.

I will take a slew of pictures and videos for Wacken Trek for all to see the horrors that is a Metal cruise, with the usual senseless commentary from me.
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Friday, July 13, 2012

My Personal Message about Barge to Hell...

In case your wondering why the Barge to Hell plea link is down, it's pretty simple. I...AM...IN!6!6!6! That's right everybody, after some patience and waiting, it finally happened. I am going to be one of the "Original" Voyagers to launch the Extreme Metal answer to cruising, and I want to extend a huge and \m/ HEAVY \m/ thanks to Vaughan Pollard for allowing this to happen as finding a cabin in this boat was not an easy task. I owe him and his squad a huge debt of gratitude and many horns \m/6\m/6\m/6\m/

I would like to share a story with all of you regarding the whole Metal cruises that have been happening a lot lately.

My first attempt was the inaugral 70,000 Tons of Metal that occured on January 2011, and missing it was one of my many "Metal" regrets as at the time, like with many others, I was facing a very serious situation that prevented me from going.

My second attempt on the 2nd 70,000 Tons of Metal was something that couldn't happen since I had my European Metal Festival Tour 2011 that I needed to deploy my resources to, and since the 2012 70,000 Tons of Metal was the 2nd event and with the huge success that followed the first one, I knew I can skip it without worrying about the next set of cruises.

Than comes the announcement of Barge to Hell, and with it, an opportunity to redeem myself from missing the first 70,000 Tons of Metal.


And now, the countdown to the Barge to Hell begins...

For you landlubbers, see you from Nassau.

For you Vikings, Pirates, Buccaneers joining me on this \m/ HEAVY \m/ Voyage, see you in HELL!6!6!6!
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