Hy-Ko Keys

Keys. From unlocking a certain power, to a sign of exclusive access, to something that you need to just open your home/turn your car on/unlock one of the many dungeon doors in the Zelda series of games/etc., to the many beer companies in the world that has it on their labels (Here's looking at Becks for being such a awesome company that feeds the Wacken War Machine every year), it is a unique creation of mankind that has gone on to become a symbol with different meanings.

Today we look at keys that add the element we all know and love, the Slaying Steel of Death.

First up is the "Music is my Weapon" keys, and as you can see by the Strat & Skull emblazoned flip side of the message, they were definitely talking about the most deadly weapon in the world... Hard Rock/Heavy Metal.


Interesting side-note these keys come in 2 different head stocks: The Hexagon (Pic above) and the UFO (Pic below), hence making these keys even more Metal than what could be asked of them.


Next on this "Keepers of the Seven Keys" (Actually there's 8 of these keys, but you know I love dropping Metal references, and of course this is breakin' the 4th wall) list are the "Lucky" keys. Let's be frank, these keys are Motörhead approved, meaning all the songs about gambling are part of a Metalheads hobbies. Plus Vegas is a Metal town considering some of the Broadway style shows (Bite, Tournament of the Kings) and restaurants (Harley Davidson Cafe).


Note the King of Spades is a Skeletal maniac ruling with his deaths hand (And I am not talking the dead mans hand of "aces and eights").


The next entry is the most controversial of the lot as the color pink is not the most Metal color in the palette side of things. But considering that the creature known as women make it look good (especially bikinis), these keys get the pass to the Halls of Valhalla.


On a twisted Metal side-note, these keys would be perfect for the Glam Metal crowd, at least which ever few remaining members of that society remain.


The next key definitely has the "Ride the Lightning" raging through its metallic substance.


We have now arrived to the headliner of the batch. When you consider the Grim and Evil design of this key, you too will understand why it was the chosen one to grant access to the few (lets just say 1 person) to a place that has many treasures and liquids only Metal Gods can possess. That place is Valhalla (aka my home).

On one side, you got a pissed-off Skull looking right back at you.


On the other side you got a pissed-off Skull, with pupils, looking right back at you like a umlaut on a Metal bands name.


With the keys now forged by a blacksmith from the Glorious Halls (aka the key guy from Walmat), they are now worthy to join the other keys that grant access to the different parts of the land of Metal, like my Dark Chariot (aka my car), my armory (aka my gun safe), my Unholy Steed (aka my beach cruisers bike-lock cable), and the Golden Fluids of Ancient Gods (aka the as cap in my car).


Behold the 5 Keys of the Apocalypse.

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Frogz Ear Pollution Plugz

As discussed in the last update, headphones are an EXTREMELY important possession for Metal fans to have in their armaments, and at times, we need more than one due to the abuse the Deliverer of Sonic Steel sustains during it's time of service, and as a result, their death in the line if duty (also known as cable getting caught on slamming door).

Let's be honest, how many times have you had a pair of headphones break on you? From the "One Leg Bandit" routine (AKA only one ear bud working and the other bud breaking in-and-out sound when you put the cable in a certain side of the bud) to the "Silver Plug of Death" (just like the "One Leg Bandit", but the plug that connects to the cassette Walkman/portable CD player/mp3 player/etc doing the in-and-out sound ordeal.), this is a tale that has been told since the dawn of time (say around the 1970's).

Today we take a look at another offering the Metal Gods delivered to the Legions, introducing Frogz Ear Pollution Plugz.


Now the question you are proposing, what makes these headphones Metal? Pretty simple. The pollution it claims to emit is radioactive, and aside of the plethora of Metal bands that sing about the subject with regularity, nuclear waste is pretty Metal considering what it does to people/animals/things/etc and how it looks.


They had these in black & blue, black & red, black & green, and while the aforementioned colors would have done the job of replacing my previous broken headphones (mind you, they survived my 2011 European Metal Festival Tour), I had to go with the mightiest of the might, the black & silver.


As for the sound, it is very clear, although you can't expect that fancy Dolby surround sound you get at theaters these days, but nonetheless it does get the job done.


The best part about these ear buds is that they are flashing the radioactive sign in it's simple but effective "warning sign" glory, letting the people in the bus/school halls/train/etc. know the poison injected into your ear is contagious to their health, unless they are Metal fans who can handle the toxic audio blast.

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Bell Rock N Ride Bucket Seat Cover

Cars, a machine that is a necessity due to what it accomplishes, getting people and things around to places. From the dawn of the vehicles first appearance in the world, they have "Transformed" this world in ways no other technology has accomplished since the boat (And I mean Viking Ships, since they are METAL!).

As time progressed, cars started having a character of their own, with many companies being formed to make said vehicles. And like with Heavy Metal, many different classes and types of vehicles came to be. From compacts to suv's, to trucks and minivans, cars are the way people travel.

Today we look at something that helps Metal fans add the Metallic character to their vehicle. Introducing Bells Rock N Ride Bucket Seat Cover.


They made these for a bunch of bands, but we will look at their most Metal offerings, the Judas Priest British Steel and Ozzy Osbournes Diary of a Madman seat covers.

First one up is Ozzys, and from the looks of it, it seems they did a decent job making that album cover into a seat cover, with the strategically placed logo on the headrest portion.


Next, and the best for last, is Judas Priest seat cover. I can make a bunch of remarks indicating how Metal this is, and to twist an old saying, let the pictures speak the thousand words they can best provide.


For the record, the British Steel seat cover would look good on a Black 1981 Chevy Camaro in the Parking Lot of the Capital Centre. Just saying...

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Section 8 Judas Priest In Ear Buds

Headphones. A major evolutionary step the way Metal fans listen to music. By planting speakers directly into our ears, we managed to listen to our music with a direct and potent lethal shot, with the world taking 4th banana status to the music being played in our cerebrum.

The first time we utilized this accomplishment of technological advancement was by hooking them up in our stereo systems, getting on our bean bag chair, and spending the evening listening to the likes of Judas Priest, Iron Butterfly, Motorhead, Def Leppard and any other Rock/Metal bands from the mid 70's to about the early 80's.

Little did we realize at the time, this technology would lead us to the next major evolutionary step in our peoples listening habits, which was to take our tunes with us where ever we went (as long as the "AA" batteries didn't die out), and for those of you born before 1996, it was the cassette players that allowed our people to take our tunes in the train/bus/classroom/dinner with parents/etc.

One major ambassador of Heavy Metal, Otto Mann (of The Simpsons), was noted for wearing such a device 24/7 (except for a handful of moments in episodes where animation specification was the law and needed to have the headphones off). He would also wear said device while going to Spinal Tap Concerts and playing guitar solos to the children in the school bus, delaying their arrival and a resulting wedgie for the nerd who brought the tardy bus to his attention. METAL CLIFFNOTE: All the Hard Rock/Metal references surrounding his bio definitely makes him Springfields most Metal resident.

Today, we look at a creation that takes one of the Metalheads headgear and plunges it to the depths of hell just to resurrect it to headphones worthy of the Legions. Introducing Section 8 Judas Priest In Ear Buds.


Yes, the above pic is me attempting the British Steel album cover, but crooked for your viewing ease. I'm Breakin' The Law for all of you.


I managed to find these at my local Pepboys while buying a lockable gas cap, and they were quite a surprise find during a excursion for automotive parts. Sounds Insane, don't it?


So for those of you looking for a "Painkiller" of headphones, look no further than to the Priest In Ear Buds.

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Channel 13 Blog Syndication: Marshall Fridge (From One Million Beers For Metal)

First, just want to say many HEAVY THANKS to Kay Smoljak (of Enter the Goatlady fame) for granting me permission to re-post this article on Channel 13. This was first posted on One Million Beers for Metal and as you can see, this is a fridge that Metal fans and musicians alike can utilize. If you want to see the original post, it can be found here.

Being Aus­tralian, the idea that beer should only be served icy, icy cold is a con­cept close to my heart. It obvi­ously strikes a chord with the fine peo­ple at Mar­shall, mak­ers of the most metal of all ampli­fiers, because they’ve just released a very funky prod­uct with the tag line “the coolest icon in music just got cooler”: the Mar­shall Fridge.

Yep, you read that right: a refrig­er­a­tor dis­guised as a Mar­shall amp. It has the Mar­shall sig­na­ture, all the right logos and styling, and con­trol nobs that go to 11 — but open it up and it’s a 4.4 cubic foot capac­ity fridge/freezer with an Energy Star rating.

Sure, you could tech­ni­cally keep any­thing cool in there — cans of soft drink, water, your lunch — but I think we all know the only bev­er­age with enough cred to be stored in a Mar­shall is our favorite amber brew.

Accord­ing to the offi­cial web site, the fridge will be avail­able soon for the not-unreasonable sum of USD $300. They’re also run­ning a com­pe­ti­tion to give one away, so get in while you can!

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