Monster Khaos and Assault Energy Drinks

Energy drinks. A beverage that has been around since 1929, it was intended to help those of us who are low on the gas that gets us through the day. One of the first thoughts that comes across a persons mind when they think of energy drinks is the extremity of the stimulants the beverage contains. For some, this beverage helps start the day, while for others it is the needed turbo-kicker for the midway point of their day.

Many drinks of this nature exist, but very few have made the impact on Hard Rock/Heavy Metal as Monster. When you think about the number of Metal Festivals Monster has been involved with (as in sponsoring), they feed the Metal War Machine the necessary ammunition needed: money and extremely sugary liquids.

Today we look at 2 of their most Metal offerings to the wired consumers that need the extra jolt of electric juice (unless they want to take a chance on a busted Marshall amp still hooked up to the electric outlet and stick their finger inside of it to get their fix, hurrah!): Khaos and Assault.


Monsters Khaos is a juice-type beverage that focuses on the non-carbonated consumer who doesn't like the bubbly taste such beverage brings to the table. The flavor is a wicked mix of apple, orange, peach, tangerine, pineapple & white grape juice, which means it's just like orange, but with buddies joining in on the party.


The 2 requisites that make this beverage Metal aside from the manufacturer that brought it to life is the name that was bestowed upon it and the graphics on the can, which make it look like either a battleship ready for war and/or a really awesome guitar graphics.


When you describe a Metal concert, what's the first word that comes to mind? Chaos? Except Monster changed the first letter to a "K" to let people know they are not messin' around.


Next we have Monsters Assault flavor. Now, I ask, with that name and colors don't you feel like waging a "War Ensemble" in your city? Think about it, for those of you that live in big cities, how many weekends pass by when there are no good Metal shows, and your alternative forms of entertainment, like renaissance festivals/beer fests/pro wrestling/Oktoberfest/Halloween outings/carnivals/house parties/etc. are just not there to keep you busy. What's left? An invasion of Metal Madness in the urban shithole known as Miami (or any other city like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, "insert name of city where people who look and act like the cast of Jersey Shore outnumber Metal Legions by 10,000 to 1 here", etc.).


Now it's time for the Metal credentials. The can is decked out in digital subdued urban camouflage, with the big red "M" (as in \m/ METAL \m/) smack in the middle of the can. When you factor our wardrobe and what we typically wear, this is what you call a Metal fashionistas idea being implemented on something outside of the typical Metal fare.


Interesting side note about this beverage is a twisted turn on an old saying that is not very popular in my neck of the woods (known as "Viva la Revolucion!", a pro communist chant from a nearby island). Thankfully, they went with the English version, so we'll put to rest what they almost accidentally intended.

And for those of you wondering what they are talking about in the back of the can, it is just a message about being neutral in their stance on war and politics. Take it for what it is worth, but I take this beverage as a declaration of war on being out of the juice known as energy to get work/school/blogging =P/etc. done.


As for its taste? I really can't pin-point which neighborhood this flavor falls in. All I can say is that it tastes a bit dirty. Not bad dirty, more like the energy drinks world version of Guinness. I know it's a weird metaphor, but it's the best one to work with.